The X-Men Vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
by Blimey The Toad
Summary: The X-Men stole the Ninja Turtles popularity, so the Ninja Turtles plan to get their popularity back... by beating them down.
1. Here come the tortoises!

The X-Men Vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  
  
Summary: Because of a recent dispute between me and a few of my co-workers, I have decided to write this. They argued with me over whether or not the X-Men were better than the Ninja Turtles. This is my story about the X-Men kicking the Ninja Turtles' Asses!  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. No, really, I'm serious! Not a single one of them. Not the mutant turtles, nor the mutant humans. Sorry to disappoint you...  
Author: The genius mind of BLIMEY THE TOAD!!!!! (yes, honey that *was* sarcasm)  
Author Notes: This has nada continuity. This is like some twisted original cartoon series X-Men, but (as in all of my stories, for readers who may have read me before) it doesn't really fit anywhere in the storyline. Sorry.  
  
Another day at the X-Mansion:  
  
"So, Rogue. Wha' do you wanna do t'day, chere?"  
"Ah don' know, Remy. How 'bout you?"  
"How 'bout we sit an' watch TV. Or go to da Danger Room."  
"Remy, ya used ta have such sweet, romantic ideas of things for us ta do. What happened?"  
"I guess I ran outta ideas, chere."  
"Damnit! Then think a some!"  
Yipes! "Uh, okay Roguey." Gambit stood up, and ran out of the room.  
  
"Gambit, why're you in such a hurry?"  
"Wolverine. Rogue wants to do somethin' romantic, an' I haven't told anybody dis, but... my charm factor is down! This happens 'bout once every couple a years. An' here 't is." He sighed deeply. "Ya gotta help me!"  
"Why don'tcha take her huntin'. I always take my dates huntin'."  
Gambit eyed him, then without another word walked away. Wolverine just shrugged and walked on into the kitchen.  
  
Wolverine walked into the kitchen, nearly running into Beast.   
"So Hank, what's fer lunch?" Beast just looked up at him, a sad look in his eye. Wolverine tried to walk away from the kitchen quickly, as emotional things tended to make him feel very akward, but he was dragged into it.  
"Logan... I have a crush... on Jubilee!" Hank then burst into tears.  
"Uh, Hank. She's 17. You're in your early thirties. I don't think it'll work. Plus, I have a crush on her!" Beast looked at him, then growled and slapped him.  
"What was that for!"  
"She's mine!"  
"You're too old for her! You said so yourself!"  
"You're twice as old as me, old man!"   
"Oh, really, huh?"  
"Yeah, punk!"  
"Look, let's work this out. Let's talk to Jubilee and make her decide. Tonight, alright?"  
They decided to that.   
  
Jubilee heard her comm-badge beep.  
"Yeah?"  
"Uh, Jubilee? It's me, Logan. Meet me and Hank in Meeting Room 4 tonight at 7:00pm, alright?"  
"Is it some kind of party?" She asked excitedly.  
"Sure, Jubes."  
"Yeah, okay!" She said, then beeped it off. She had the biggest crush on those two, but knew they would think she was too young to have anything to do with. Besides, it was kind of illegal. "But I'll be 18 next month" she whined to herself. Storm overheard her.  
Storm overheard it. "Child, I have no plans for the evening. Do you suppose I could accompany you there?"  
"Yeah, sure Storm! The more, the merrier!" She galloped off.   
  
Storm walked on down the hall of the X-Mansion, and ran smack into Jean and Scott.  
*Bam* "Ouch! Oh, Sorry Jean. Hello, Scott."  
"Hi Storm," Said Jean. Scott just nodded.  
"Well, Hank and Logan are having a get-together later, and I thought it may be fun for you both to come."  
"Okay, we'll be there!" Said an excited Jean. Scott, again, just nodded, not looking half as excited as Jean.  
  
Jean and Scott walked on, chatting (throught their funky mental-link thing they have) about absolutely nothing of any importance. As soon as they entered the living room, Gambit nearly tackled them.  
"Hey, guys. Gambit got a huge problem! Can you to help? Please?" He begged.  
Jean and Scott looked at him, then each other, then back at him. "Sure" Jean offered tenatively.  
Gambit explained his problem to them as he had to Wolverine, then pleaded once again for some help.  
"Well, Wolverine and Beast are having a party in Meeting Room 4 at 7:00pm, if you two would like to go."  
Gambit's face lit up, he smiled, and hugged them both tightly. "T'ank you, Jean!" He ran off.  
  
"Rogue" he called when he found her again in her room. "I had dis brilliantly romantic idea for us t'night, but den Wolverine and Hank basic'ly forced me to go to dere party t'night. Care ta join me?"  
"Sure, Remy." She said, although she had some doubts about his really having some great plans for them. But oh, well.  
  
**********  
  
That night...  
  
Everyone got really drunk, Rogue learned to control her powers and she and Gambit got "intimate", Hank and Logan told Jubilee about their crush, and she just belched and passed out from too much liquor. Scott and Jean were drunkenly making out on the floor.   
  
**********  
  
Elsewhere, in the sewers...  
  
"Turtles, my senses indicate that the notorious X-Men, who have taken away so much of our popularity and success, are now drunk and barely able to move. I say we attack NOW!"  
"Whoa, but Splinter, the X-Men kicked Shredder's ass! We couldn't do that for... well, ever."  
"Shut up, Raphael. I know best."  
"I don't know dude, maybe he's right. We could, like, order some pizza or something, and like, invite them over or something. I mean, that Jubilee chick is pretty hot."  
April hit him in the head. "What do you mean, Michaelangelo? I'm not hot? I'm damn hot enough!"   
"And that Jean chick, whoa. She is like..." Drool began running from Leonardo's mouth, and his eyes rolled back into his head.  
"Naw, numb nuts, that Rogue babe. I could do the himijanga all night long wi..."  
*BAM* April kicked him in the head with her heeled foot, then stomped out of the sewer.  
"Actually, my turtles, I've always been partial to Ororo."  
The 4 turtles nodded in agreement, but then Splinter came back to reality.  
"The point is, if we beat the X-Men into next week and become popular again, all the chicks'll dig us again. Okay, my students."  
The turtles nodded again, then followed Splinter out of the sewer and towards the X-Mansion with their respective weapons.  
  
**********  
  
*knock knock knock*  
"Gambit will get it." Mumbled Gambit as he stumbled to the door.  
"Allo? Who it be?" He asked as he opened the door.  
"It is us, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Oh, and Splinter. We're here to kick your asses so we can be popular with all the ladies!"  
"Oh. Can you hang on for jus' a moment? T'anks." He said as he closed the door. He walked back to Meeting Room 4, woke everyone up, and explained the situation to them.  
"Dere be 4 turtles and a giant mouse here to beat us up so dat chicks'll like 'em again. I t'ink dey wanna fight us now."  
A collective groan came from everyone, as they had all drunk a lot of alcohol, and they all had amssive hangovers.   
"Aw, do we gotta?" cried Jubilee.   
"Yep, sorry. We don' wan' dem toilet paperin' da house or nuttin', non?"  
"He does have a point." Said Scott. "Alright, let's go."  
  
Gambit led them all to the front door, and opened it. The turtles were still there, along with the rat, and were in defensive-looking positions.  
"Here's the deal" said Scott, "If we have to fight you, it's going to be in the Danger Room. The sun is WAY too bright right now, and We can't break anything in the mansion, or else Xavier'd break us when he get's back from vacation.  
The turtles agreed, and they all made their way up to the Danger Room.  
  
*********  
  
Alright... this is part I. I hope you liked it. If you didn't well, too bad, because I'm running a really high fever and have a wretched headache. So, if you like it, I'll do a Part II, which is their fight and stuff, and if you don't like, then I'll trash it. I can't really tell, as I'm hyped up on pills, so reviews will determine whether I do Part II or not.  
  
  



	2. Oh my god! It's a special guest appeare...

Sorry it took me so long to finish this! Please forgive me...  
  
Turtles-not mine, X-Men-not mine, nothing is mine!  
  
X-Men Vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II-Secrets Revealed  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
In the Danger Room:  
"Whoa, dude! Check out this machinery! All this technology is totally warped, man. Dude, Donatello, you dig this kinda stuff, check it out!"  
"Uh, yeah. Sure. Dat is da weirdest vocabulary I ever heard! Where ya'll be from, California?"  
"No, man, New York. And the rat dude is from Japan. Where you from, Morocco?"  
"Alight, let's just get to this whole fighting bit." Cyclops tried to get things moving so he could get to bed-his headache was increasing exponenentially by the minute. They all just kind of stood together, the turtles were facing the X-Men, and the X-Men were waiting patiently to begin the fight. After a little while of just standing around, Storm spoke.   
"If you are all so eager to fight us, why do you not start?" The turtles looked at one another before Leonardo spoke up, his eyes downcast and voice low.  
"Well, we really didn't want to. We just kinda wanted to slit a pizza with you guys, but he-" he motioned towards Splinter "-told us we had to fight you to get popular again. And, well, to get some hot chicks."  
"Yeah" began Michaelangelo, "We just, like, were thinking maybe it'd be fun to hang out with you dudes-and chicks, too of course."  
All eyes went to Splinter, who just kind of twitched a little, then spoke up in a weird metallic voice. "*kikt* Do not try to defy me, mutants. I will *kikt* reign supreme."  
"Oh, gahd!" Cried Rogue, rolling her eyes. "How many times do we gotta beat ya'll up b'fore yuns just give up trying to take us over!"  
"AHH!! Splinter... I... when did you... whoa, gnarly..." Michaelangelo wasn't making much sense at all. Raphael tried to help him out, "Yeah, like, you are *so* not Splinter!"  
"They are..." started Gambit, pausing for dramatic effect, "-the PHALANX!"  
Suddenly Gladiator burst through the wall. "Did somebody say the Phalanx?"  
"Uh, what are these Phalanx things all of you dudes are talking about?" asked Donatello.   
"The Phalanx are an oddly borg-like group of intergallactic... things... bent on universal dominance." Stated Beast.   
"How do you people know them?" Donatello questioned.  
"Well, we've fought them many times before." Gambit began to tell them. "They tried to take over the world, then they tried to take over the Shi'ar Empire. We beat dem good, dough."  
Gladiator spoke up, and everyone finally noticed him. "They are very dangerous. But we always beat them, everytime we fight. They're not supposed to be back here."  
"What are the doing here then?" asked Raphael. All eyes turned to Splinter.  
"Well, *kikt* you see, not only are we borg-like in our tendencies, but the borg are our cousin species! We've come here to get revenge on the captain of the Starship Enterprise, Jean-Luc Pikard, who has beaten many of our dear family borg." He looked around the room, the began again. "Uh, *kikt* speaking of which... where is he?"  
"WHO?" They all asked in unison, all looking equally confused.  
"Oh, you must know him by his alias... Charles Francis Xavier."  
"The professor?" Asked Scott. "Umm... he's out of town. Sorry."  
"Damn." Said "Splinter" dejectedly. "Oh, well. Tell him I came by. Make it sound scarey. The rest of the phalanx'll be angry if I didn't even scare him. *Sigh* Well, see you guys later. Sorry, turtles. Oh, by the way, Splinter is in your summer sewer on vacation. Sorry I forgot to tell you." He shrugged. "Here's a $100. Buy some pizza and cokes. Later."  
"No, wait! Phalanx, why don't you join us! It'll be fun!"  
  
So, Phalanx conceded. They all ordered some pizza and sat down in front of the multiple TV's of the sitting room to play games on their Playstation 2, watch some satelite TV, or check out some DVD's. Phalanx popped in "X-Men" and they all bugged Gambit about how he wasn't in it. "What a loser! Hee hee! Couldn't even get a part in your own movie!" "Yeah, Gambit, Wolverine even stole your girlfriend!"   
Rogue just rolled her eyes. "Like Ah would evuh hook up with Logan-not that there's anything *wrong* with that." She tried to save herself, but still got a vicious glare from our favorite feral mutant. They all just sat around having a gay old time, watching TV, playing old LP's of ABBA and Gambit's Best Of The 70's album, as well as Wolverine's Billy Idol and Culture Club albums (Which he'd never admit he had in public).   
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm sorry... that bordered on Sillyfic. I didn't mean to! My writings just generally reflect my mood. Like this one. Ah, well. I don't own Star Trek, either, nor Gladiator, or the Shi'ar Empire, or the blatant Seinfeld reference. Or the Borg (although that would kick), or anything else. This stems from too little sleep (6 hours in the last 3 days-no kidding), reading the whole Phalanx thing today (#342-345) today, and listening to my 70's album non-stop. Has anyone evr heard of the song Amos Moses? I LOVE that song... don't ask me why. Anyways... OH! BTW, I *NEED* Uncanny X-Men #350. If anyone wants to sell it, contact me!! Please... zeyf@hotmail.com. I love ya lots. Please review my peeps.. Love ya lot's! 


End file.
